Starts with us

Lots of thoughts surrounding the terrible act of violence in Connecticut.  This morning I was thinking how hard it must be for all parents to send their little ones off to school as usual.  This situation, like many others, has stripped us of feeling secure in the places we should feel most secure.

I find myself mesmerized by the details that slowly emerge about Friday's incident.  Its sickening and horrifying, and I hate to read it, but I find myself most drawn to the stories about the acts of courage and heroism.  I try to avoid reading about the gunman, as if that will keep him from winning, from being glorified and celebritized.  I feel like I owe it to the families to read about their sweet and innocent little ones; how they liked to make cards for their friends or how they were learning Portugese.

Listening to a press conference with the coroner, I was so irritated by one reporter's question, "Is this the worst you've ever seen?"  NO SHIT.  Of course it is you fool.  It made me hate the media.  I am struggling with the balance between what information our society needs to know, and what information is just being shared for the sake of having frequent updates.  Each news outlet is sure to mention that this is the 2nd worse shooting in our history, as if its a competition and they are offering a challenge to other psychos out there. 

You hear a lot about the need to re-evaluate gun laws or the need for tighter security in schools.  However, I can't help but think that if there's a will, there's a way, and no legislator or metal detector is going to keep someone from acting out in the worst way possible.  I have been humbled by the compassion our President has shown and his graceful words, and I know he is mighty, but he can't do it all.

I think the place we need to start is right in our very own homes.  Are we raising children that respect all kinds of life?  Are we holding ourselves accountable to check in on a troubled friend?  Its much too easy to ignore the hard conversation of encouraging someone to seek help, or to just cross our fingers that our kids understand how very important it is to treat everyone with respect, but what if we took a more active role?  What if we each vowed to do our part and to soften our hearts to the people we encounter each day.  I think the changes we can make by plugging in to our own families and communities is much more powerful than any legislation or improved security measures.

While listening to the radio, I heard a phrase that really stuck in my mind: "Cover your children in prayer."  How can we be sure that our loved ones will be safe throughout their day?  We can't.  But we can be sure to send our loved ones out the door with words that bless their hearts and protect their spirits. 

Realizing that the power to change is in our very own backyards (not in Washington) gives me a little bit of hope that our society isn't doomed. 

Safe haven

What an awful day for parents and children and anyone who wants to feel like a safe haven still exists somewhere. 

So far in my pregnancy, I have been lucky to have virtually no issues, but like most, I do find myself worrying extra and finding the most extreme things to panic about.  But, I remind myself that even when you make it through one milestone you were worried about, then its only on to the next.  What good does it to do forecast potential problems and spend your day worrying about them...because the most unexpected and tragic things can happen in the most secure of places. 

So, for now, I will find comfort in the little safe haven that my body has created, that my sweet little baboon can rest and be sheltered from the world...for now.  And when my baby is here, and inevitably something tragic happens again, I will smother that little human with so much love, Mike will have to peel me off of them!!!

Dreams

I guess it is a common thing to have no interest in hearing about people's dreams (as in, night dreams, not hopes and aspirations).  I, on the other hand, think dreams are fascinating, and as such, I am constantly telling people, "Last night I dreamt..." and I don't even pause to let them say, "No thank you, this is not a story I'm interested in" because I don't even expect that reaction.  I personally think I have the most interesting dreams and that it would be impossible for someone to not want to hear them.

Notice the "Hey, its ok..." near the bottom on the right...WHATEVA!

I mean, where do these little mind movies come from??  Why do I keep dreaming about working at Otter Box and why do they have a fox running around with a very strenuous nature trail in their parking lot?  The most random people pop into my dreams, and if we were all required by law to tell people when we dreamed about them, I would imagine we would get an email every day saying "I had a dream about you"...wouldn't that be so fun?!

Although, some of my dreams have changed my feelings towards people...like I had a dream that this guy that works in my building was trying to break down my door to attack me, and now every time I see him I'm like, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE MISTER!!!

Anyway, in my quest to make people be more interested in dream sharing, I will now attempt to share more of my dreams on this blog.  And I encourage you to do the same!  Dreams are crazy!  Lets talk about them!!

Time to spill the beans

For some, this may be old news, but for others, this may be new news.  I am pregnant!

I knew exactly when I could take a test, and so you better believe that morning I ripped open the test, peed on the stick, and then took what seemed to be the longest shower of my life.  When I got out, I fumbled to put my glasses on and as soon as my eyes could focus, all I saw was PREGNANT.  I immediately started to cry =)

I found out on our sweet little Addyson's birthday, so I will always remember the day.  I wanted to tell Mike in a cool way, but I couldn't come up with anything and was too anxious to tell him, so I told him when I got home from work.  He was like, yeah I heard you crying this morning, and I knew you could take a test today, so I was just waiting for you to tell me.  Oh, okay great!  Good thing I didn't go through with the airplane banner!

I knew we would tell my sister right away, and my best friend that weekend, but after that, I really enjoyed having a little secret.  I realized I wasn't going to be truly alone for the next 9 months, and I felt really motivated to take care of myself and create a comfy living space for this little baboon.

The first few weeks were smooth sailing, then meals stopped being something I enjoyed.  While sitting at work, I felt like I was one sneeze away from barfing in my trash can.  I ate smoothies and crackers and cottage cheese.  I liked the feeling that something was happening, but I didn't enjoy feeling like a zombie...going to bed at 7pm, not doing anything productive, etc.  One night I freaked out and was like, THIS IS ANNOYING!  I WANT TO BE A HUMAN AGAIN!!  Mike was out of town and I was in bed, naturally, and I had just read on one of my pregnancy apps that "good news, only 6 more weeks of this!" That was 6 weeks too many for this mama!!

But then, as quick as a cat, my first trimester ended (on Election Day, of course!) and all of the sudden, I felt great!

We continued to keep it a secret, mainly because it was fun, but I also was not interested in sharing the news with my office, and was also not that into announcing it on Facebook.  After a few doctors visits we started to tell more peeps. But, now its getting to the point where if I don't start telling people, in a few months when I start showing up places with an infant, they will think I stole it.

So now, comes the fun stuff!

Looking pregnant.  (thank goodness for my pregnancy experts Britt and Jocelyn for giving me all of their maternity clothes!)
Acting pregnant.  (should I cry today because my dad and brother can't come to my attempted gender reveal party? Sure!  This obviously means they don't care!!!)
Buying baby stuff.  (I think Mike has visited every baby website that exists to find the best deals on diapers and wipes.  What a bargain shopper!)
Making myself fill out a pregnancy journal. (Sometimes silly, but I know I'll be glad I did!)
Finding out the gender! (December 18!!)
Halfway point! (Christmas Day!)

Due May 14 (the same day Mike and I had our first date 2 years ago!), Baby A!
 

Nail polish and restless thoughts

Yesterday I watched the girlies while Adam and Britt did some Christmas shopping. I really wanted to paint the girls' nails with festive sparkles so I brought over all my goods. They are so eager for their nails to be dry that we have to get creative with ways to sit still. This time I had them watch a timer on my phone and told them when they heard the dog bark alarm at the end, it was time...time to start the countdown again. I thought we were in the clear but I didn't expect Brynn to dig into her laughing cow cheese immediately after we were finished so as she was sucking cheese off of her finger she also ate her nail polish. I guess only re-doing one nail on a 2 year old isn't so bad!

Lots of transition happening in our life and the lives around us. It's making me restless and reexamine every little thing about me. Silly things like...Do I give good Christmas gifts? Is my house organized? Do I live functionally or do I just pretend to?? Bigger things like... Am i keeping in touch with friends as best as i can? Is my character strong enough to set good, lasting examples for the little babes in my life?? So I tried to make a good Christmas gift list and then ignored the rest for now.

In the coming weeks, a lot of things will be decided for our little family. I am anxious but excited. And I love going to sleep at night knowing that there is already a plan, we just have to trust in it. Stay tuned!