Not amused

A few things that did NOT amuse me this weekend:

Driving Mike's car, which is a stick...I couldn't sit close enough to comfortably reach the clutch, without my stomach pressing into the steering wheel.  So I spent an annoying afternoon driving around, jerking the car in and out of gear and slamming the shifter into place with muscles I've been trying to avoid using lately.  Needless to say, not amused.

At Target, getting a grumpy cashier who did not like the fact that I put my basket on the conveyer belt, then forgot to cash in my $4 coupon (for a completely unnecessary lipstick, but hey, it just might be the one thing that makes me feel pretty in the coming weeks!) and then acted put-off that I actually did want him to correct the transaction.  He couldn't figure out how to fix it, and then lazily waited for a manager to call another manager over to help.  Normally, I would have been so uncomfortable by the situation and the growing line behind me that I would have offered suggestions for how I could help..."Can I go to customer service instead?  Oh, don't worry, it's only $4."  NOPE.  Not this weekend.  I was hot and annoyed at his lack of brain, so I just stood there and silently stared at him while he poked around.  Once his manager helped him through the transaction and it was completely obvious where he screwed up, he still didn't get it.  I could have cashiered circles around this turd burgler.  Not amused.

This belly keeps bumping into things.  Doors.  Drinks.  Etc.  Sometimes I laugh, but if you catch me while I'm in a mood, I am not amused.  My stomach is somewhat numb these days from being stretched to the max, and my belly button is sensitive, and "bumping" into hard objects is extremely unpleasant.  Again, not amused.

Mike and I went to see Jo Koy at Comedy Works this weekend as a late anniversary present to each other. We laughed thinking it was our last date before the baby, and Jo must have overheard us, as he spent a good 20 minutes talking why you shouldn't have kids, how couples without kids are so much happier and have way better lives and more freedom, etc.  Errrrrrr...I laughed uncomfortably, hoping that Mike wasn't secretly booking a trip to Cuba on his phone under the table.

And speaking of Cuba, this set me off LIKE WHOA.  I needed to get directions to the Target on Havana that, according to their website, had the frosted outdoor lights in-stock for our backyard that I was searching for.  I had just dropped Mike off at kickball and was quickly realizing how un-fun driving his car was going to be, so I pulled over and decided to use good 'ol Siri to get directions to this Target.  I said, "Target on Havana" and in the most condescending voice EVER, Siri replied, "I'm sorry, Ashley, but I can't look up things in Cuba."  I FREAKED out and I'm pretty sure I f-bombed her.  Did I say, IN Havana, Siri?  No, I most certainly did not.  I said ON Havana, and being that you were created by the nerdiest humans alive, you should know the difference!!!   Additionally, I really don't like when people include my name in sentences like that.  I think it adds a bit of an unnecessary sting.  We are obviously already engaged in a conversation, so there is no need to say "Ashley", as though that will help me understand you're talking to me.  Not necessary.  And, not amused.

PS:  The Target on Havana did not have the frosted lights in stock.  NOT AMUSED!!!!!!

If you don't like gross things, this post is not for you

Something is happening with the ears of my family members.  Specifically, my mom, my brother, and most recently, me.  This strange phenomenon is gross but also incredibly fascinating.

Earwax balls.

A few months ago, my mom thought she had an ear infection and went to the doctor.  After a quick looksie into her ear canal, the doctor pulled out a piece of earwax the size of a bean.  (When my mom reported this to us, we all quickly replied, what KIND of bean?!?)  Sadly, no photographic evidence was taken of this earwax, but she said that years of ringing in her ear ended right that instant.  Incredible!

This week, my sister texted me a photo late at night (10:00pm is late, right??) of a kleenex with earwax buildup that she had just flushed out of Tyson's ear.  She said the pieces were about the size of a jelly bean, and that he too felt instant relief the second it flushed out.

Not to be left out of this trend, today I joined the club.  I noticed that when I was chewing, I was hearing kind of an echo-y clacking noise to the right of me.  (And lets be real, I'm snacking quite frequently these days, so I was hearing this noise a lot).  A quick prod to my ear made me realize there was something in there.  I quickly texted Britt and Tys to say, ME TOO!  HELP!  Britt is coming to see me tomorrow, so I figured she could just bring her trusty syringe and flush it out then.  Nope, no way.  This earwax wanted out, like meow.  I went for a walk after lunch, and all the movement must have brought the ball to the surface.  Another quick ear prod, and I realized this earwax was ready to emerge.  One second later I was trying to find a blank sheet of paper to lay it on so that I could text it to my siblings (see below).  I hadn't really been having any discomfort before today, so it wasn't like a huge relief when it came out, but I have inspected the mass closely and plan to do a full dissection later in the afternoon.

April 24

I love days of significance. I love having a brain that strives to remember weird "anniversaries".

For the purpose of today's post, lets focus on April 24, shall we?

April 24, 2010

In unrelated (or maybe related?) significance, it is my cousin Jocelyn's 3rd anniversary.  Happy anniversary to the Aalborgs!!  They had one of the most beautiful weddings of all time and I was so excited for their big day.  However, my attitude turned pretty sour at the reception when I got asked for the 90th time if I had a boyfriend, and the night ended with me hiding from the bouquet toss in the bathroom, trying not to cry.  Even watching my mom and aunt chug wine in the parking garage couldn't pull me out of the funk that was my single life.

April 24, 2011

Easter weekend 2011 had me hanging with my bff and her then-fiance, doing wedding planning things for their upcoming wedding in September.  We spent the weekend at her parents house drinking vodka tonics by the fire and dancing in the kitchen with her dad.  On Easter Sunday, (April 24!), her mom made us all Easter baskets and read us an old, innocent children's book that was later deemed racist.  We kept the vodka tonics coming, and later that afternoon, I received a message from this online dating site that I had a love-hate relationship with.  This message was from a "Mookalakahini" - first impression: Is he Hawaiian?  The first line of his message read "Will you marry me?" which was playing into some things I had said in my profile about not needing to get married tomorrow, just wanting to find a non-boring, non-annoying, non-loser.  After reading that line, my crazy brain had a field day!  "What if we actually did get married?? Wouldn't that be hilarious?!?"  We messaged a few times back and forth that day (I would hate to read the transcripts, as who knows how many VT's I had consumed at that point) but I do remember feeling so different about this "Mike" person.

April 24, 2012

This was my Facebook status:

"A year ago today I started talking to a man named Mike. Now, this Mike character and I are flying home from our honeymoon. Life can change so quickly!!!"

Enough said =)

April 24, 2013

Now, here I am, 9 months pregnant and ready to take on a new adventure with my friend Mike.  I could wish that I would go into labor today, just to keep the 4/24 fun going, but as some of you may know, this baby cannot arrive until May 1 otherwise this mama gets ZERO paid maternity leave.  Soooo...I "patiently" wait.

My body aches, my mind is restless with anxiety, but I can't help but be filled with jitterbugs today as I think about how one day can change your life in such an unexpected way.  Mike is the biggest blessing and even when he forces me to have conversations about hard things like benefits and bills and math in general, I still feel like I should be giving thanks constantly for getting to have him in my life.

Welp, to sum up: April 24, you're pretty cool.

Overwhelmed (the good kind)

After a few weeks of ignoring the mess of the nursery, today I finally found motivation to begin to organize. After pancakes and coffee of course. I strapped on my trusty belly support band (thanks Britt!) and waddled my puffy feet into the room.

I am overwhelmed in the very best way. How can people be so generous and supportive??? The unique books, the adorable onesies, the softer-than-soft blankies...I can't imagine preparing for the birth of a child without the kind of support that we have. I know I'm not the only person about to have a baby, and I'm not the only person who is showered with love, but my goodness. It makes me feel guilty. Did I write my thank you cards on such a way that expresses how full yet guilty my heart feels at having this room full of awesome baby stuff?? Maybe I just think about what it would be like if I didn't have this support and what that would feel like and that makes me extra emo. But seriously.

I think about the giant bag full of goods from my sister, and how she has been so great to me (while juggling school and work and 3 kids and a life) and when she had her first baby I probably gave her a hug or something equally unuseful.

Precious Erin Cochran put her always-present charm on her gift and gave mike and I some prezzies too, along with prezzies for Maxer, and I get overwhelmed thinking about how she finds the time to find these funny books and freaking adorable cd holders, and I think, do I even deserve this??

So, I'm feeling overwhelmed and also concerned that I haven't been able to adequately express my gratitude. So please forgive me, but if you could peek I to my heart you would find that it's pumping so much love and thankfulness that each pump wants to gush out a million tears. How's that for dramatic.

Anyway, I'm not trying to gloat about how much cool stuff we just got for our little guy. I've just had a week where I've been upset with my body and my coping abilities and I've needed a serious attitude adjustment. Maybe now that I am the mature age of 28, my perspective will begin to mature as well. Fingers crossed!!!

But seriously check some of this stuff out (mostly clothes...I guess I am just not realizing how fun it's going to be to put a human in these things!!!)

Happy Saturday pals.

Vewy intewesting

I think its important to note that I am not very politically versed.  I took a "test" my senior year and discovered I was a Democrat (along with ONE other person in my class...ha!) and from there I have always felt a little more inclined to agree with the Dems.  However, after quitting my job at the Elections Dept. (where my affiliation determined who I was allowed to do certain election-related tasks with, due to bi-partisanship) I changed my affiliation to Unaffiliated...and life has been pretty much the same ever since.

I normally stay out of debates because I don't know enough to take a strong stance, but I know what I feel is right and I know what I feel is wrong.  I happened to click on The Article Every Liberal Needs to Show a Conservative floating around Facebook, and surprisingly, I was able to read the whole thing.  Normally I just skim the first few sentences, and it gets waayyyy too intense with language and Syria and nuclear bombs and amendments and blahdy blah, but this was a good read.

For those of you who have no interest in clicking on that article, at least read this portion of it.  I thought it was very striking and he makes 2 shockingly obvious points.

And that concludes this political message from Shleemanee.

We’re Out to Preserve the Sanctity of Marriage
Unless you want to make divorce illegal, don’t tell me about same-sex marriage “ruining the sanctity of marriage.”

Divorce did that long ago.

Same-sex Marriage overall

Honestly, I’m exhausted with the same-sex marriage “debate.”  There is no debate.

Procreation is not a requirement for the right to marry, nor are those who procreate required to get married.

“Homosexuality is a sin” comes from religion.

The term “traditional marriage” is defined from religious text.

Our country does not establish laws based on religion.

Therefore your “arguments” are invalid.

The end.