Mat Kearney makes me emo

When it comes to music, Mike would tell you that I'm a teenybopper at heart, but that's only because he played Miley Cyrus Wrecking Ball so much that I just HAD to download it!!!  So while I don't claim to have "good" taste in music, I know what I love and I know what songs give me chills and I know what songs make me feeeeeeel something...and isn't that what it's all about??

I love when I forget about music and then have a grand reunion with a certain album - and let the good memories of those jams just flow.  Somewhere around the time of Max being born, I misplaced my iPod. By the grace of God, I finally found it in a random drawer somewhere a few weeks ago.  I've had the greatest time getting re-acquainted with my music.  Especially Mat Kearney.  Oh yes!

So I'm jamming to him right now at work, and I can't help but remember the season of my life that I was listening to Young Love (Sooner or Later) every free moment I had.  I would listen to it as I grudgingly drove to my terribly depressing job, and I was so unsure of what the future held for me and my little family.  Would I ever get a new job?  Where would we live??  Can I survive outside of the Fort Collins bubble? WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!!!!! (I also learned an important life lesson during this season of my life...having a husband does not solve all of your problems. Had I known that a few years ago, maybe I would've had less panicked nights, fearing a forever-single life) 

SPOILER ALERT: it all worked out - and Mat Kearney was there for the ride.  Today, I sit at a job that I get to love, with co-workers that are true adults and fantastic human beings.  I can indeed survive city life, even though I miss Old Town Fort Collins terribly.  I love that certain songs can remind me of sadness that has been replaced by happiness.  I can still feel the hopelessness and fear of that season of my life, but I can smile as I know that it's been stomped out by new beginnings.

Maybe it's my Bronco brain...maybe it's my coffee buzz...maybe it's just because life is good. But darnit, today is going to be a good day!!

Also, will I ever learn how to spell "liaison" correctly??  Who invented that word anyway?  

Peace out.

Tasks

I hate household tasks. They keep me from relaxing and they haunt me until I complete them. I do always feel amazing and refreshed and euphoric after they're done but sometimes I have to have a real pep talk with myself to get them done.  I also suffer from Obsessive Chore Disorder so as I am trying to clean the floor, I see the fridge is gross, so I stop cleaning the floor and clean the fridge, and then realize I need to emtpy old food containers, then realize I need to start a load of laundry....ahhhhh!!!! By that point I think it would be easier to burn my house down than to accomplish all I'd like to accomplish.

Last night, I had a golden hour to get a bunch of stupid crap done while max was napping. I huffed and puffed while I emptied the dishwasher...folded laundry...put away Target purchases...cleaned bottles and pump parts...and I almost had a mental breakdown when I emptied the soapy water from the bottles into the sink and it all poured onto the floor. I had to have a timeout before I threw the microwave across the room or something equally psychotic.

Ashley, listen. Tasks are the devil. The worst. THE WORST! But, look at what they symbolize. You have dirty dishes because you had food to eat. You have Target bags because you have money to buy necessities (and Oreos...). You have bottles to clean because a precious baby lives in your house and is part of your family. 

We have had a wild week with Mike being down and out with the flu, an impromptu sleepover because of a snowstorm, scrambling for childcare, etc. I am tired. But my fatigue doesn't get to steal my happiness, darnit!!

So, when the next round of tasks present themselves, I will try to remember how to reframe my thinking. Tasks are proof of blessings...most of the time.

Feeling capable

I am feeling capable today. My house is a mess, both of my boys are fighting colds, but I'm feeling so relaxed. 

Maybe it's realizing that you don't have to be a pioneer woman to make chicken noodle soup from scratch. That shiz is incredibly simple to make!!

Maybe it's realizing that if I continue to emphasize cooking with real, fresh ingredients, it's starts to become an easy habit more than a "diet".

Maybe it's realizing that I don't have to be a child psychologist to be a good mom. That by absorbing good habits and relying on my instincts, maxwell really will grow up to be a fine gentleman, and I might have a teeny part in that.

Sorry for the brag post, but for all the times I feel defeated and childish and worthless, I have to soak in this moment of knowing that I can do hard things.

Now, back to my 24 marathon.

Dodgeball and passport rejections

Last night, Max and I went with Mike to dodgeball.  Usually he is just managing the scene and the refs, but last night he was actually going to play, so Max and I just had to witness this.  Turns out, there was about 3 inches of space where we could sit in the gym, and those dodgeballs get flung at about 65 MPH.  The sound of the dodgeballs smacking into the wall and into human skin is terrifying.  All I could picture was a wild ball smacking Max in the face and then me getting branded "Worst Mom of 2014".  I had already forgotten to bring his winter coat along, so I really couldn't risk it.

We started wandering the halls of the middle school and ran into a woman who was working late.  She was so sweet and showed us an open classroom that had carpet and toys that we could play with.  I am reaching the point in my motherhood experience where I realize that germs are germs and germs are everywhere and maybe even a few germs are good?  So we plopped down on the carpet and played our little hearts out!  He acted like he owned the place, eating pictures of the actual students that were taped to the carpet (??) and flipping through their books (some were in Spanish...he didn't say it, but I think Max was really impressed by my ability to interpret).  We bounced a ball around and took a few selfies.  Just to be clear, I think solo selfies are ridiculous and should be outlawed.  Selfies with one or more peeps are fine.
**Mike played so hard that he burned a hole in his pants while sliding for a ball.  I love it!!!

I'm getting a blowout after work today.  I can't wait.  But really I can't wait for the hairdresser to try to get a brush through my hair because I haven't washed it since Sunday night.  I'm not sure when I'll stop bragging about how long it's been since I cleaned my hairs....check back in a few years.

We are in the process of getting Maxwell a passport, and last week we received notification that the photos we submitted for him had been DENIED, because his eyes had a pindrop amount of red (exhibit A) This tells me that whoever was processing his application got a call from her boyfriend in the middle of it, got into a silly fight about emptying the dishwasher or something, then returned to processing the application with a chip on her shoulder, so she denied an 8 month old a passport.  This is all purely speculation, but come on....ridiculous. Meanwhile, my sister's girls' passports were all issued, no problem, even though their photos made them look like blonde Icelandic children, when in reality they are all brown haired olive skin babes.  In the words of Gob Bluth, COME ON!!!!!

I just started watching 24 on Netflix.  Coming off of a Parks and Rec marathon, this has been quite a switch for me.  I get so scared watching it my legs get tingly.  This leads to me being scared at all times.  On the days that I leave for work early in the morning and it's still dark outside, I imagine what I would do if someone tried to accost me in my garage while getting into my car.  As I walk into my building and up the stairs to my office, I have my keys in my hand ready to stab any attackers.  Even now, picturing myself in any of the scenes from Season 1, I get tingly legs.  Let me pause to say a quick prayer that I continue to lead a boring, non-confrontational life where I don't have to steal a gun during a sexual assault and then hide a body in a barn.

Well, that about sums up my week.  I have Bronco Fever pretty bad, along with the rest of the state.  Can't wait for next weekend!!!!

Exhibit A: You be the judge: happy baby who
 wants to play in the sand in Mexico,
or potential threat to homeland security?