In addition, my body was harboring a nasty bug that had me queasy all day. I finally gave in and puked in my "pumping headquarters" at work. I also took a hot car nap around lunchtime that did nothing but make me extra weird.
So today, I am feeling like a new woman! I was able to drink coffee, and my regular breakfast did not implode. Great success! I think this led me to an invigorated new perspective regarding weekdays. It happened as I was driving the boys to daycare this morning, and I found myself telling them - guys, it's Tuesday! We're getting closer to the weekend! But I immediately felt resentment for having that attitude. Why can I only look forward to the weekends? What's the value of ignoring and rushing through the weekdays? These are our precious days that we only get once!
I kind of know why I hate weeknights...usually Max cries from the second I pick them up until we get home, and Miles needs to be fed the second we get in the door. I'm trying to pack lunches for tomorrow, make dinner for tonight, do laundry, clean the kitchen so my OCD doesn't make me jump out the window, oh and also keep everyone happy and entertained...probably the same sentiments that are echoed from household to household throughout the world.
Nonetheless, even knowing how terrible nights can be, I still felt an urge to make them better...more fun...to just look forward to our evenings instead of "endure" them. But as I continued to pursue this new perspective, I felt a wave of guilt. How is it even possible to make the weeknights what I want them to be? These days, I spend more time nursing the baby than playing with the toddler. I can't do anything I want/need to do as I sit on the couch with Miles. I start to wish away this season. Wish for the days of both boys walking and talking.
And there I go again! Wishing away the current days for future days that I have just assumed will be better and easier. I can't do that anymore. I have to learn to love (or at least find the joy in) my current season.
I want to feel like I'm the one raising my kids, and with me spending 4 days a week away from these kiddos, I have to make the time count. I don't want to ignore the weekdays, just because they can be messy or overwhelming. I want to find the fun and the pleasure in each day, not just the weekends.
In a few hours, I'll be in the car with Max sobbing for a snack, water, a blanket, his dada, etc... and I'll remind myself of all these words I've spewed today. Tonight is my night to live it up! Wish me luck!
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| Boys showing their Arkansas Valley pride, courtesy of the one and only Grandma Blanche! |
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| I love when Max insists on holding Miles. I also love how they look the same size in this picture! |
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| To celebrate the end of a work week, we stop for ice cream on our way home on Thursdays. It's a sure-way to stop Maxwell's end-of-day tears :) |
