Not amused

A few things that did NOT amuse me this weekend:

Driving Mike's car, which is a stick...I couldn't sit close enough to comfortably reach the clutch, without my stomach pressing into the steering wheel.  So I spent an annoying afternoon driving around, jerking the car in and out of gear and slamming the shifter into place with muscles I've been trying to avoid using lately.  Needless to say, not amused.

At Target, getting a grumpy cashier who did not like the fact that I put my basket on the conveyer belt, then forgot to cash in my $4 coupon (for a completely unnecessary lipstick, but hey, it just might be the one thing that makes me feel pretty in the coming weeks!) and then acted put-off that I actually did want him to correct the transaction.  He couldn't figure out how to fix it, and then lazily waited for a manager to call another manager over to help.  Normally, I would have been so uncomfortable by the situation and the growing line behind me that I would have offered suggestions for how I could help..."Can I go to customer service instead?  Oh, don't worry, it's only $4."  NOPE.  Not this weekend.  I was hot and annoyed at his lack of brain, so I just stood there and silently stared at him while he poked around.  Once his manager helped him through the transaction and it was completely obvious where he screwed up, he still didn't get it.  I could have cashiered circles around this turd burgler.  Not amused.

This belly keeps bumping into things.  Doors.  Drinks.  Etc.  Sometimes I laugh, but if you catch me while I'm in a mood, I am not amused.  My stomach is somewhat numb these days from being stretched to the max, and my belly button is sensitive, and "bumping" into hard objects is extremely unpleasant.  Again, not amused.

Mike and I went to see Jo Koy at Comedy Works this weekend as a late anniversary present to each other. We laughed thinking it was our last date before the baby, and Jo must have overheard us, as he spent a good 20 minutes talking why you shouldn't have kids, how couples without kids are so much happier and have way better lives and more freedom, etc.  Errrrrrr...I laughed uncomfortably, hoping that Mike wasn't secretly booking a trip to Cuba on his phone under the table.

And speaking of Cuba, this set me off LIKE WHOA.  I needed to get directions to the Target on Havana that, according to their website, had the frosted outdoor lights in-stock for our backyard that I was searching for.  I had just dropped Mike off at kickball and was quickly realizing how un-fun driving his car was going to be, so I pulled over and decided to use good 'ol Siri to get directions to this Target.  I said, "Target on Havana" and in the most condescending voice EVER, Siri replied, "I'm sorry, Ashley, but I can't look up things in Cuba."  I FREAKED out and I'm pretty sure I f-bombed her.  Did I say, IN Havana, Siri?  No, I most certainly did not.  I said ON Havana, and being that you were created by the nerdiest humans alive, you should know the difference!!!   Additionally, I really don't like when people include my name in sentences like that.  I think it adds a bit of an unnecessary sting.  We are obviously already engaged in a conversation, so there is no need to say "Ashley", as though that will help me understand you're talking to me.  Not necessary.  And, not amused.

PS:  The Target on Havana did not have the frosted lights in stock.  NOT AMUSED!!!!!!