I made it to hump day

I really surprised myself with how composed I was on Monday.  I popped right out of bed with my alarm, went through my routine as planned, even had time to read a quick devotional (which just so happened to be about women throwing pity parties because their husbands work so much, but they were reminded to be grateful that they were able to stay home with their children....uh okay, I GET IT! EVERYONE gets to stay home with their kids but ME, #thankyouforthereminder).  Luckily I didn't let that coincidence make me too annoyed.  Max and Mike were all cuddled up, so I was able to whisper a quick goodbye and leave the house with no tears!  I guess I expected a congratulatory marching band and parade to meet me in the street after such an accomplishment.

Work was just as I left it.  Our sweet office manager had taken great care of my plant, I had a few loose notes on my desk, but other than that, it was like I had never left.  My co-workers are incredible and they all are very interested in Max and my new role, which is so great.  The gals even let me lock them out of the 1st floor bathroom every 3 hours for 20 minutes so I can pump.  Which, by the way, is going to get old real quick.  I am like a pack-horse with all the crap I have to haul in/haul out every day, I might as well get a roll-y backpack.  I just know that there will be days when I am busy and stressed and flustered and this whole little routine that I'm a part of will be the death of me.

I got home on Monday night and I wanted Max to leap out of the nanny's arms into mine and be like, Oh mama I am SO GLAD you're home!!! Instead, I fed him and he slept on me for like 3 hours.  I didn't want to end the snuggles even though I was so hungry and knew that those stupid pump parts wouldn't wash themselves...and tomorrow's lunch wouldn't make itself...(pity party, table for 1 please!) I let him sleep on me for so long that when it was bedtime for the adults, he was ready to party.  Which led to me being up until 3 with him, and then getting up at 5:30....well lets just say I was a cranky biatch most of Tuesday. Which ultimately led to Emotional Breakdown 2013 within 5 minutes of getting home last night.  I just hate this.  I hate it, I hate it.  I don't want the only time I see my son is at night and on weekends, when I'm trying to balance life chores with bonding with my little guy.  Maybe that's just life.  BUT WHY.  Why do we put so much emphasis on the other "stuff" that we're expected to be okay with not giving our full attention to our children?  Who decided this and who signed off on this?

So, while I fight bad attitudes about our society, I'll continue to brainstorm ways to earn a living while still being able to spend more time with Maxer.  Taking all suggestions.

PS: Let is be known that I do have things to be thankful for:
•Starbucks drive-thru (and a sissy who gives me a gift card at just the right time)
•Being able to download songs on my phone for instant gratification on my drive to work (what is it about Maroon 5 that I just LOVE SO MUCH!!!)
•A cousin who finds awesome sales on work clothes and buys me whatever she buys for herself (she is also dealing with back-to-work blues so sometimes my pity party is a table for 2)
•A husband who knows that part of my sadness can be fixed by dinner and a nap (Taco Tuesday what what!!)
•Hair that will allow me to go 4 days without washing it
•A body that can feed a child

Extra, extra, read all about it!!!

Life goes on

July 22 is here.  I have spent the last couple of weeks dreading it, and here we are...on the last night of my maternity leave.  Saying I am sad is an understatement.

But.

Mike just sent me out to go get us ice cream after he served up a dinner of halibut, asparagus, corn with lobster, etc (exhibit a) This guy can cook!!! Anyway, I hit the road and since I didn't have the babe with me, i cranked some tunes. I haven't car jammed for quite some time! I turned on Cruise by Florida Georgia Line/Nelly and that carefree song combined with the hot summer night air finally gave me a new perspective. Finally.

Yes, my maternity leave is over. But look at what chapter is ending...the chapter of uncertain life that comes with a newborn. My body has done one of the coolest things it will ever do, and endured one of the most painful things I will ever experience. i have healed from the physical and emotional duress that by body went through. I am no longer scared to venture out to target or to the grocery store with Max. We even took him to our hotel bar this week to have a couple margaritas! I know Max, and Max knows me. 

Tomorrow starts life as a family of three. Not a frazzled couple with a newborn. We start our routine, and Max starts meeting new people so that he can gain skills to someday live independently from us. (But then again if he never moves out, oh well!!!)

Just like with the end of my pregnancy, Mike hasn't given my back-to-work pity party much attention. He remains Positive Pete and tells me how Max will be proud to have a mom that works. And it's annoyed the crap out of me, until now, as I realize he was just waiting for me to catch up with him and join in celebrating life. We have so much to be thankful for.  Please, God, let this attitude of celebration continue. We can celebrate life tomorrow, and the day after that, because taking on challenges and conquering milestones along the way, now that is living! 

So while its super annoying to have to pack my lunch every night, and dress like a professional human again, I'm returning to a job that I enjoy, in a company I'm proud to work for. And I will start knowing what day it is again! Maternity leave can't last forever, and maybe that's okay. 

Ask me again tomorrow as I'm driving away.

Exhibit A

Toots McGee

Ever since max entered our lives, he has impressed us with his "tooting" skills. At first I thought all babies had this power. After hearing from multiple sources how impressive it was, I am proud to say that he is unique in this fashion.

Right now he sleeping by me on the couch and starting to wake himself up...with a steady stream of toots. It is just cracking me up!!  He is clearly very content and relaxed. 

i figured i had a few more minutes before he wakes up fo real, so i read a blog post about a little girl learning to whistle which made me laugh, because my sweet niece Addy is also becoming quite the whistler. I let out a little LOL, and then my heart exploded when max matched my LOL with a little dream laugh. Followed promptly by more toots. 

I hope I am always this charmed by his farts. I have a feeling I won't be :)