Oh hey Max

My sweet Maxwell.  I'm back at work now.  It hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  I guess what makes it not so bad is the idea that someday you will hear about these times and you will be proud of me.  

I try so hard to not think about you during the day, because if even for a second, I let myself stare at your picture, I feel guilty and sad, like I am missing so much of your day and you will feel more of a connection to the nanny than to me.  I am already a jealous person and this isn't helping!!  

Sometimes I play "It Could Be Worse..." like, it could be worse - I could be in prison and never get to see you (obviously I've been watching Orange is the New Black too much).  

Earlier this week, after tuning into the nanny-cam MUCH too often, I was worried and sad.  Every time I tuned in, you were in the mamaroo.  I died inside.  I wanted to be home with you and cuddle you and never put you down.  What in the world were you doing in the mamaroo??  But, just like always, I had prematurely freaked out.  Now, 3 days and a few managerial conversations initiated by your dad, nanny is reading you books, taking you for walks, and being the best nanny to you we could ask for.  What can I say, I'm a freak.  And when it comes to you, I am a freak x 1000. (Crossing my fingers that you get your dad's voice of reason and calm nature.  If you get my brain, you're in for a wild ride of worry!)

You are the cutest. The sweetest.  The silliest, already!  I can't get enough of you. From 5-9pm, you would think its the dead of night...you are so zonked out you don't even know what's happening in the world around you.  Then, just as my body is ready to hit the hay, you perk right up - Heyyyrooooo!!  You're smiley and playful as ever.  How did I get a night owl child??  Give your dad a high-five for taking over around 11pm every night so I can go to bed.  Thank goodness he can survive on less sleep than I can.  What would we do without that daddy of yours.

So now that our hang outs are limited to nights and weekends, just know that I am only away from you because I have to be.  And soon, we will be into a better routine, where we actually do things at night.  Because right now all I want to do when I get home from work is cuddle you and let you sleep on me.  Someday we'll get out and see the world.

In the words of Dionne Warwick, "keep smiling...keep shining..." because your smiles are what make me DRIVE LIKE A MANIAC to get home at night.  

What a blessing you are Mr. Max.

Found this quote last weekend and made it
into a poster for my office.  Sounds like a
pretty good recipe!