A Mother's Day to remember

For Mother's Day, I got a very special gift: Mastitis.  Due to my incessant internet reading, I used to be terrified of mastitis.  Every time I had a clogged duct, I would think - call an ambulance!!! Mastitis!!!  But, as time went on, I kind of forgot to be afraid of getting it.  I had a few busy weeks at work where I was going pretty long periods of time without nursing or pumping, and we were getting closer to Max's 1st birthday, so I thought we were on the path to successful weaning.

During Max's party, I kept having a sore boob.  I wasn't sure what it was (after I ruled out cancer) so I just kind of ignored it.  After his party, the girls took my sister to get pedicures to celebrate her graduation.  We were sitting in the pedicure chair and I was describing my pain to my sister, and then other symptoms started popping up.  All of the sudden my body ached and I was shivering so bad the lady had to hold my feet down to paint my toes.  By the end of the pedicure, I was positive that it was mastitis.  Luckily I was able to get on antibiotics ASAP, thanks to having a medical dream team at my fingertips.

Mike had to work on Sunday, so he took care of Maxwell until the very last minute, and then I cried as he left the house.  This was Maxwell's birthday...Mother's Day...and I'm going to spend the entire day being miserable and not being a good mommy to this sweet boy.  I felt like I was going to barf most of the day. My body was on fire but I had the chills.  My head felt like I had the worst hangover of all time.  I rolled around on the floor, trying to play with Max, but was so cold I was hovering under a blanket.  I hoped Max would take one of his all-star naps, but he must've known it was his bday, because he wanted to party all day long.  He probably slept for 30 minutes.  I tried to get him to lay in bed with me and watch Pound Puppies on Netflix.  When the exact time of his birth rolled around, all I could do was stare lovingly at him from the couch (and take a screenshot)

Shattered phone led to stupid trip to Verizon where the guy told me that I must stay on an old version of the iPhone software.  I was too occupied with feeding Max a clementine to understand it. When June 24 rolls around, I will be first in line at Verizon.

Luckily, my mom had a couple hours to spare so she came to the rescue and hung out with Max while I tried to sleep.  I laid in bed with 3 blankets and shivered so bad I couldn't even sleep.  When she had to leave, it was almost Maxer's bedtime, so I knew if I could just get through bathtime, I would be okay.  I don't know if it was the hot water or the bending over, but when I got Max out of the bath, I felt so lightheaded and my vision was going in and out, and I felt like I was going to pass out.  I put Max in his crib and went outside into the snowy weather to sit and drink water.  I felt like I needed to text my neighbor and say, will you come over in 5 minutes and make sure I'm not passed out in the yard - and if so, will you please take care of Max while I hop in an ambulance?

Mastitis, you're a bitch.

I took Monday off and sent Max to his babysitter so I could just chill.  Mike was off too, so I had my own personal Murse.  I told our office manager what was going on, and she gave me a good chuckle with this:

I'm happy to report that I feel MUCH better.  I am going to make it.  But, I have a newfound fear of this nasty infection and a new point of irritation.  If breastfeeding is such a natural thing and "breast is best" than WHY are there so many awful things that come along with it?  I get it, Eve ate the apple first, but come ON!  Isn't the pain of childbirth enough?  We're just trying to feed our babies here, can we get a freaking break???  I've added that to my list of "Questions to ask God upon arrival to heaven"

BUT - Max's birthday party was so fun!  He was hilarious with his expressions and his curiosity.  He got showered with love and tons of cool new toys.  Once summer arrives in Denver for good, we are all set with backyard shenanigans.  He didn't destroy his cake, but this is probably because he has a great respect for food and wants to enjoy every morsel, so he didn't dare be careless.  I actually had to take it away because he probably would have sat there for 3 hours and slowly ate the whole thing.

Some nights when Max is just wearing a diaper (because to him, putting on pajamas after a bath is the ABSOLUTE WORST THING I COULD DO TO HIM), he looks so big.  I feel like all of the sudden he is this little boy, and not the little frog baby that we came home from the hospital with.  He points, he mimics sounds, he knows people's names - I know this is all the natural progression of his development but sometimes I forget that he won't be a teeny babe forever.  His laugh melts my heart - he is our world!  Happy birthday to our sweet Maxwell Everett!  

Time to experience summer

Max is a busy, busy, busy little bee.  I'm worried that his first phrase will be: "On your bottom!"  Since that is the phrase I say to him about 90 times during his bath.  He is up, down, here, there - what a curious little cat.  So this morning, you can imagine my surprise when he laid his head on me while we watched my smoothie blend.  I tried not to move so I wouldn't disturb this precious moment.  I think he realized how nice it was to snuggle into my neck, and he lingered for much longer than I ever anticipated.  I started to rub his back a little, and he stayed snuggling into me.  It was like when he was a teeny baby and he spent the majority of the day curled up on me.  Back in the days before he knew what movement his little body would eventually be capable of.

We are coming up on his first birthday, but I don't feel any sadness about how quickly the year passed.  (But DAMN GINA, it sure did go fast!)  I don't wish for him to be a baby forever, because when I think about him as an infant, I think of being scared and being tired.  I think of having a body in pain, and wanting to do so much but not being able to do a thing.  I do miss the sweaty naps we took on our couch, but I must say that getting past the infant stage is quite a relief.

As summer is starting to make its way into our neighborhood, it's like I'm seeing it for the first time...and I'm realizing it's because last year around this time, I was in full-on hibernation, quickly followed by a period of time where we had no idea what season it was because we were just trying to survive each day. If we left the house, I wasn't dreamily noticing the green, lush trees and the blooming tulips.  I was thinking...how long until he cries? How long until he's hungry? What am I doing leaving the house...why am I so hot...why did I allow myself to put on denim...I mean, you get the point.  My postpartum days were far from glorious.

This year, I get to experience summer in our neighborhood with a curious little boy.  I get to show him how to blow dandelions.  I get to put his feet in our sprinklers and show him the squirrels playing on our fence.  How cool is it to watch a little human experience such simple things for the first time??

So this weekend, we'll celebrate our Baby Max and the year we've had.  What an incredible blessing to watch a little boy's mind drink up the world around him.  What a feeling it is to shower him with love and know that he feels that warmth.  In the words of Miley Cyrus, "It's pretty cool."

Max's first tantrum, along with other ramblings

I love it when the morning sun shines in my office and highlights all of the hair I've lost on my chair.  It's quite stunning but mostly disgusting.  I just spent about 5 minutes de-hairing my chair...if it wasn't my own hair, I would contemplate looking into voodoo just out of curiosity.

Because Max's "nana" lives so close to us, sometimes I go home and drop my car off, then walk over to pick him up.  I would do this more often, but a) it's been winter and b) I am overly concerned with what people will think as they see me walking to her house with an empty stroller.  Why am I so worried about what other people think??  WHO CARES!  Let me tell you why...it's because I am that annoying person who has too many useless thoughts about what I observe, and I am under the false assumption that everyone thinks the same as me.  For instance, Max and I will take dinner to Mike some nights. Last week, as we drove to his office, I COULD NOT SHUT MY THOUGHTS OFF.  I was annoying myself so bad.  We drive by a paint supply store, and everytime I see the store sign I think...man...that font is so outdated.  Do you think they just haven't updated it for a long time?  Or maybe the store owner made the sign and doesn't know much about fonts.  And they have two separate signs, both with bad fonts. Why?  Why two different signs?  My brain starts to hurt as I ponder this and then I plead with God to quiet my thoughts.

Last night, Max had his first tantrum and I hate to say it but it was adorable!!!  I know he is worked up and frustrated but man...he is so cute.  He never enjoys getting slathered in lotion after his bath, and he definitely doesn't enjoy getting boogers removed from his nose, but he normally bounces back pretty well once we start to play again.  Last night though, he was in rare form.  He was arching his back and screaming, so I set him down to see if that would help.  His giant tears fell onto the carpet and he would slam his hands into the ground.  I would reach for him and he would just scowl at me before burying his head into the floor.  Its times like that when I realize how lots of moms end up breastfeeding much longer than they expected - its just the ultimate comfort option!

Maxer's birthday is just around the corner and I am so excited.  I have been pretty adamant about not going too crazy for his party...like, no theme (the theme is birthday!!!) and I don't really want him to get tons of presents.  Call me scrooge but I would rather have a simple, memorable experience instead of getting stressed about finding a cute theme and making sure the cake matches the color scheme and bladddy blah blah blah.  I did print some photos from my Instagram using Printsagram and daaaaamn gina was that a good move!  It links directly to your account, so you basically have to click like twice to have your photos arrive at your door (actually I sent them to work so I could view them the INSTANT they arrived)  Real pumped about them.  I'll be sure to take photos of the photos.

I have a devotional book, Jesus Calling, that ended up in my drawer at work.  Maybe my mom gave it to me?  Maybe my sister?  Either way, I kept it but, without even cracking it open, thought it was probably too legalistic for my taste.  I forgot about this book until I was scanning my IG feed and a woman I recently started following posted her devotional from March 29. It was a passage so beautiful that I scanned the comments to see if she would say what book it was from.  Sure enough, she mentioned that it was from a book called...Jesus Calling.  God!  You are funny!  Thanks for showing me that the book in my drawer is right up my alley and it sure wouldn't hurt to take it out every now and then to read a snippet.  I loved this post so much that I will now take the time to type it out:

"Stop trying to work things out before their times have come.  Accept the limitations of living one day at a time.  When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it is part of today's agenda.  If it isn't, release it into My care and go on about today's duties.  When you follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life: a time for everything, and everything in its time.

A life lived close to Me is not complicated or cluttered.  When your focus is on My Presence, many things that once troubled you lose their power over you. Though the world around you is messy and confusing, remember that I have overcome the world.  I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have Peace.

--Ecclesiastes 3:1; John 16:33

I read that and thought, NAILED IT.  If I read that every morning, and took a deep breath, then I probably wouldn't get so worked up about the paint store sign and how to get my car battery to work properly and if I sent that email to the right person and when will Mike be able to work less. Not complicated.  Not cluttered. Peaceful.  I like those words.

Well, that about sums up my life lately.  Loving on my boys, having crazy brain, and being thankful for the reminders of God's presence.

xoxo

Good

When I was pregnant, I would dream of the day that I could hold Maxwell close to my cheek and dance with him.  Now, I force my squirmy 10 month old to snuggle up to me as we dance to a song by Dave Barnes called "Good".  Everything Dave Barnes creates is a gift from heaven, but man oh man...this song makes me cry every time.  

Years ago, as a serious relationship began to unravel, I felt panicked and so scared that I would never have a family of my own and I begged God to make this relationship work.  To give us the pieces of the puzzle that were missing so that we could make it work.  That relationship finally ended and for weeks, I used the long drive home from work to cry my lonely heart out.   

But then came Mike.  

What if God had answered my prayers?  What if I had forced a relationship that wasn't meant to be?  I think we all know Garth Brooks said in best in "Unanswered Prayers".  What if I never gave myself a chance to get to Mike?  That God, he sure knows what he's doing.

And that is what I want Maxwell to know.  That no matter what, God is in control.  That even when Maxwell thinks he knows best, that he should never let his human need for instant gratification overpower his confident hope in God's plan.  That even in his darkest hour, God is laying the groundwork for good to come again.

Now everyone do yourself a favor and listen to this song.  (This also reminds me to take more home videos.)

Meow!  Gigi's bed is so exotic!

Coffee and prayer

Well, week one of our new schedule is done. Just like everything that I overreact about, I can look back in retrospect on this week and say, it's really not that bad. I need to learn to be less dramatic.

The hardest part of our new schedule is being tired, but that's nothing new. I've come to terms with the fact that being tired is just part of being an adult. If you don't have to tape your eyelids open every afternoon around 3pm, then you aren't doing it right.

Our new nanny is a blessing. She is an older Bosnian woman, and she insists that Max call her "Nana" which I think is adorable. She is concerned about his leg strength so she is sure to tell me that she helped him walk around throughout the day. His little cooler of food comes home completely empty each night, so I'm proud of her for getting Max to eat so well! She even managed to get him to eat all of the tofu I sent. Ha! I had to laugh when I dropped him off on Wednesday morning and she said "Uhh I forget baby's name?!?" Fair enough...it's not like he can tell her himself! And after a long day at work, sometimes I am driving home and my fried brain goes--Ashley! You have a baby! His name is Max!! And I think, how did we choose the name Max?? 

Thank you everyone for your support as I blab about my so-called struggles. I promise I am only 10% motivated by the need for attention. The rest is purely to just write and capture the events so that when Max gets older I can say, thennnn when you were 9 months old, THIS happened... So thanks for reading.

I have come to realize that when I crave easier times, I am absentmindedly wishing my life away and wishing away some of our most precious moments with Maxwell. And then I realize, all I need is a lot of iced coffee and a lot of prayers for a continued positive attitude. That, my friends, is my recipe for success.

Nine month appt confirms: His head is large.

Max is his own Valentine this year!

Spring fake-out (and a quick rant)

It's that time of year again, where it's not pitch dark when I leave work each night, which puts me in a springtime frame of mind...then temperatures surge into the 50's so I ditch the coat in the morning, and I start to wear pastels thinking that will propel us into spring, and I just get butterflies in my stomach thinking of the fresh feeling that spring brings!!!!!

I know we are weeks (and a few snow storms) away from spring but gosh darnit, we are well on our way to green grass and less hibernating!

My goal for this spring is to get out and about with Max after work.  In the winter, and with him being a little babe, it has been so easy to just come home and play on the floor until bedtime.  But, with warmer weather approaching, and now that he is a bit older, I feel like we can really get out and see the world.  Luckily, my friend Mike provides the perfect opportunities for outdoor activities - kickball games!  Last fall, he had games at a park down the street from our house once a week.  I don't know why we didn't go more often, but there was a handful of glorious nights where Max and I would walk to the park and watch a few games in the final hours of daylight.  I was still such a rookie - on our first trip to watch kickball, I packed up practically his entire nursery into his stroller and then tried to nonchalantly run across a field with him, but all of the crap kept falling out of the stroller and players were like, "HOLD THE GAME, BABY ON THE FIELD" as I made a scene.  Not to mention it was super windy and I was wearing a dress so....I can only thank the good Lord that my confidence and my parenting skills have improved since then.

Also, when will I stop having dreams that Max is in our bed and going to fall out if I don't thrash around and save him?  I'm sure Mike is wondering the same thing.

Flashback to a kickball tournament
 last fall.  Who is this baby??

**Quick rant, if you don't mind: Is anyone else offended by the phrase "Welcome to the club" or am I solidifying my status as the most annoyable person alive?  I mean....how does one establish themselves as the "official welcome committee"?  It's almost as if they want you to know they were there before you, and so "welcoming" you is their way of saying, "Oh man, you just arrived?!  I've been here for a while now and it's cool.  Glad you finally caught on to this cool thing, and as I said, I've pretty much been here forever, so...welcome."

Even worse, people are welcoming others to "clubs" that have either been around forever (parenting, etc.) or are so mainstream and so hip (craft breweries, etc.) that it's impossible to determine who is qualified to offer the official Welcome. So, QUIT IT.

Is this rant legit - too legit to quit? Discuss.

Worst Life Competition

I'm offering myself a challenge this week.  Don't go for the gold in the worst life competition.

It's so easy for me to try to compete.  It's so easy to make a conversation entirely out of what is currently sucking the most.  But why?? What's the point?  What do you really win when you realize that you have the worst situation?  Nothing but a trip to Downerville.

This week, our routine is getting a shake-up.  Mike's work schedule has shifted significantly and we are starting with a new nanny.  So now, instead of getting ready in the silent darkness and then sneaking out of the house, we are getting Max up and ready and I'm dropping him off on my way to work. Mike hits the road well before the sun comes up to get to the gym and beat traffic.

It's like we're adults or something!!!

Change is scary and I hate when my routine gets a shake-up.  I feel like I have so many little things I need to remember to do to have a successful day, and any shift in my routine compromises those little things.

Last night, as I put Maxwell to bed, I counted my blessings and remembered to be 1000% thankful for every single one.  Comparison is the thief of joy and darnit, isn't that the truth!!!  This is my life.  I (try to) choose to love what I get and ignore what I don't get.  I hate to get too crazy here but I really feel like I'm making a huge discovery in "the meaning of life" and "things you can only learn as you get older".

Things I'm excited about:
--Getting to turn the bedroom light on in the morning!
--Getting to dress Maxwell in the mornings!  It may sound silly but I was sad for only getting to choose his outfits 2 days a week.
--Mike's new commute takes him right past a Chik Fila so I'm quite certain this will be a dinner treat at least once a week!!!
--Since we no longer have an in-home nanny, I'm crossing my fingers that our Excel Energy bill will go down since our TV and lights won't be on all day during the week.
--Our new nanny lives literally 3 blocks away.  (The location is almost so perfect, I feel like we're on The Truman Show.  In that case, can I start collecting royalties or what??) She is a sweet older woman and as I was dropping Max off this morning, she kept saying, "You don't worry.  I'm the grandma.  Don't worry!" And even though dropping him off this morning was probably harder than going back to work after maternity leave, I got to work with a huge surge of excitement to pick him up later this afternoon.

We tried cheese this week.  Success! (duh)

Not to be left out, I caught what the boys had.
This pretty much sums up my week.

Super Bowl fun.  For those of you who don't
know, it went downhill shortly after this.

Filed under: Adorable and Blackmail

Warming up for the big game!