Noises

As you know I have been diagnosed with a very serious condition known as "misophonia".

I can picture myself in the hospital about to give birth, and in my worst nightmare, I have a nurse who is chewing gum or clearing her throat incessantly, and I will have to kick her out because she is ruining the miracle I am about to perform.

So, not only does this condition affect my personal life (ever had a tantrum on public transportation while on family vacation because all of your family is chomping on their gum like their lives depend on it??), but it severely affects my work life.  Inevitably, in an office environment, there is going to be at least one perpetrator who is a noisemaker and, it will get me...get me good.

Every time I have left a job, literally one of my first triumphant thoughts has been, "THANK GOD.  No more listening to <insert name> <insert annoying noise>."

My last job had lots of annoying noises...one of them being a date stamper that clunked every minute.  Literally, every minute.  I moved it to a back conference room out of severe anger one day, but it always threatened to creep back into my life.  There was also the woman who sat near me who, without fail, would chomp chomp chomp her gum after lunch every day.  Then of course the other woman who made every food a noisy monster.  Peanuts.  Burritos.  Chips.  You name it, you could hear every morsel being destroyed in her mouth.  When I gave my 2 weeks notice, I breathed a sigh of relief.  No more of THOSE noises.

My last, last job had two women in particular who cracked their gum.  And it wasn't just like, oh I had garlic for lunch so I better chew some gum for a second.  Nope.  This was an all-day affair, gum from 8am til 5pm.  That was almost enough to make me throw myself in front of a train.  When I accepted a new job, my very first thought was, see ya later gum crackers!!!

Now, I'm in a new job.  It started good, as they all do.  But, inevitably, a noisemaker has emerged.  Looks like my only hope is ear drum removal or intense therapy.  I'll let you know which route I go.