Maxwell's first Rockies game

Notable moments about Maxwell's first Rockies game:

-->He slept the majority of the game
-->He spit up on the majority of adults
-->We sat in front of a very proud lesbian who loudly talked the whole game about ex-girlfriends, what she is looking for in a woman, first girlfriends, coming out to her family, etc. I am all about loving who you want but I do believe some conversations are meant for more private venues.  At one point Maxwell's grandpa threatened to shoot himself.  This is why I discourage weapons in public places.
-->I dropped the boys off and then parked the car (I parked the car on Harvard Yard).  I found a lovely parking lot that was $4 cheaper than the lot across the street, and had tons of open spots, so I pulled right in!  The sign for their lot said something about "The Church" but I tend to not question anything when I'm in a new situation, so I went with it.  They filled out a little parking slip for my car, asked for my phone number in case they needed to "reach me" (didn't question it, nope) and also gave me a plastic bag full of books.  I made a joke about getting presents for parking in their lot, and they told me how to find my car after the game and also said if we wanted to go out after the game we could leave our car their all night.  I said, no no...we have a baby, we may not even make it through the whole game!  Then, I parked and as I was walking out of the lot, the woman called out to me, "Where is your baby?!"  I explained to her that my husband had him, and she was relieved - she had heard a lot of stories about people leaving babies in the car accidentally. Anywayyyyyyyy, it was the most pleasant parking experience of all time.  When we returned to the car after the game, we realized we were in the parking lot for the Church of Scientology and our bag full of books was literature on the religion.  (Were you wondering what the point of this story is?  Here it is!)  You hear a lot of negative things about Scientologists (and all religions, really!) but these 2 people that I encountered were so helpful, so sweet, so normal (can I say that?) that I was shocked to learn of their religion. Is that weird?  I know I shouldn't make a judgement about an entire religion based on 2 people I meet, but I also shouldn't assume Scientologists are "weird" just because their beliefs are out of line with my own.  Then again, what do I even know about them?  And don't all religions have ideas that are considered a little 'far-fetched' by outsiders?  What am I even saying?!?  Do I want to be a Scientologist??  I hope my grandma doesn't read this. Maybe this is my point: did they have to put the books in a plastic bag so that it isn't obvious right off the bat who they are with?  Would some people not park in the lot because of the association?  Discuss.

And that concludes this message from the Church of Scientology.

Less is more, more, more!!

I often feel a pull to break away from social media and technology in general.  I have started to feel sad for our society when we're all constantly on our phones.  We're at dinner and we're on our phones.  We're in the car and we're on our phones.  It's embarassing!  What are we, robots??

Whenever I get a wave of inspiration to turn it all off, I think to myself...but WAIT!  How would I know who is pregnant/engaged/doing something cool?  And then I tell myself I couldn't survive, and all social media apps avoid being deleted from my phone.

But the more I have those thoughts of "unplugging", the more I start to think...I should.  I can.  I will.  The most recent wave of inspiration came after a lunch conversation with Mike about, big surprise, me having to work.  I am constantly comparing my situation to others, and I think that if I didn't do the constant comparison, I would be pretty content with my situation.  But I always experience a setback when I am working away and then take a quick break to sneak a peek at my Instagram or my blogs, and I see a cute photo of some stay-at-home-mom putting her baby down for a nap, or running to Target really quick.  I get a wave of jealousy, and then mope for the next half-an-hour/2 days about how I don't get to put Max down for naps, and my Target trips are either on Sundays are during lunch.  Booooo hooooo.

Bottom line: I need to stop comparing myself.  Who gives a shit what craft so-and-so just made?  Who cares what so-and-so just made for dinner?  Here is the line I am drawing: Unless it motivates me, I can't be exposed to it.

So, I went through a huge Instagram/blog clean-up.  Photos and recipes on "clean eating"?  You're safe.  Photos of mid-day trips to the park?  You're outta here!!!  Blogs about how to talk to strangers and how to keep a clean house?  You're safe. Photos from a random semi-celebrity of her and her newborn spending the summer in Greece with her billionaire husband?  GET OUTTA HERE!!!!

And in turn, removing tons of these silly blogs/IG photos from my life also helps me to unplug, since there won't always be something new to see every 5 minutes.  This is a start.

Next on the chopping block: Facebook.  I struggle with this.  Facebook used to be MY LIFE.  It consumed me.  Now, as the "older crowd" is turning Facebook into one big game of Farmville, it has lost its novelty.  As more and more ads pop up and "suggested posts" fill my news feed, the information that I actually seek isn't there anymore.  Its cluttered and messy and I find myself being annoyed by the things people post more than I find myself actually interested or inspired.  A while back, I went through a huge unfriending phase where I would ask myself, "If you ran into them in the grocery store, would you talk to them?"  If the answer was no, then what the heck are we doing having an internet friendship?  But now, its evolved into more than that.  The answer is simple.  Facebook - you gots to go.

Now wait, calm down.  I'm not deleting my FB account, people!  That would just be silly!  But I am going to delete the app from my phone.  Do I really need to be sitting on my couch, watching Netflix AND looking at Facebook?  NO!  What I should actually be doing is taking Max on a walk or, I don't know, just letting my brain think??  Maybe go sit on our patio and just breathe??  Yes, yes that sounds very nice.

Less comparison+less social clutter=more satisfaction (I hope).  Here goes nothing.

Panic in Idaho (flashback)

My shower door is one of those sliding doors, and its old, so I struggle on a daily basis to get it to glide smoothly to a close.  This morning, when I was ram-and-jamming it shut, I had a flashback:

The year was 2001 (or 1999?  2002??) and I was on a mission trip with my youth group in Idaho.  I know what you're thinking - what mission is there to serve in Idaho??  And I have to admit...I don't quite remember.  (Were we repairing homes on an Indian reservation in Montana?  No no...that was another mission trip {one where we slept in a school and woke up at 5am every morning to do TaeBo in the gym and I had to get picked up in a small airplane by my uncle to make it to family pictures in Nebraska and the weather was bad so he and I, the quietest people in the family, were forced to spend 2 days together in the same hotel room checking weather reports to see when we could get the heck OUTTA there...} Were we building a house in Mexico?  Nope, that was another very weird mission trip {one where we slept in a compound near the beach and one night some locals scared the shittttt out of us by whispering and tapping on our windows, and we ate fish tacos from a taco truck that had a 3 legged dog}.  I'm really just trying to share with you guys that I used to go on a lot of mission trips.  Ta-da!)

ANYWAY.
\
All I can remember is that this particular mission trip was SO FUN.  We spent the week sleeping on the floor of the church, and hanging out with the pastor's daughter and her BFF, and playing music, and getting ice cream, and swimming, and writing jokes and drawing funny pictures which led us into thinking we were the most hilarious kids alive.  We were pretty funny though.  I was even involved in a fake wedding - I was the bride, of course - and again, we just thought we were so funny.  Listing off all of these activities, I'm questioning if this was a mission trip or just a youth group vacation??  I'm pretty sure we helped with a VBS or something.

ANYWAY.

Our youth pastor was one of the best human beings that I have ever known, and as I remember all these things, I am making a mental note to try to look him up on Facebook.

ANYWAY.

We used the bathroom of a house across the street.  It was weird, looking back.  But, that was where we showered.  This was back in the times of arm-shaving.  That was an interesting phase for me.

ANYWAY.

One day I went to the house to shower.  This shower was a weird shower, with a door that slammed shut - it didn't glide or slide, it was like a vault door.  So, on this particular day, as the shower door vaulted shut, I had a moment of sheer panic that I was trapped in the shower.  I used all of my might and slammed my body into the door to get it to open.  Of course, it popped right open - and, I used so much of my incredible strength, that I knocked the door completely off of the hinges.  So there I am, naked and shower still running, with the shower door leaning against the bathroom counter.  Our youth pastor happened to be in the house too, and when he heard the door slam into the counter, he cautiously approached the bathroom like....uhh, everything okay in there?  This is where it gets weird.  I put on my towel and yelled out to him what had happened, so he came in and helped me put the door back on.  As I'm re-visiting this memory, I am reminding at how inappropriate it was, but I can also recall how we were both laughing at the situation and admitted to each other that it was very strange and uncomfortable but if we could just pop that door back in place, we can move on with our lives and forget it ever happened.

But, I'm not one to let an awkward story go to waste, so of course I ran back over to the church and laughingly recounted the whole experience.  And we cackled the night away.

ANYWAY.

If I was a good blogger, I would dig into my box of old pictures and get out some photographic evidence of this trip to share.  I'm sure I have tons of photos, and I'm sure I'm wearing cargo pants in the majority of them.  Look for Panic in Idaho - Part 2.

The end.

Oh hey Max

My sweet Maxwell.  I'm back at work now.  It hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  I guess what makes it not so bad is the idea that someday you will hear about these times and you will be proud of me.  

I try so hard to not think about you during the day, because if even for a second, I let myself stare at your picture, I feel guilty and sad, like I am missing so much of your day and you will feel more of a connection to the nanny than to me.  I am already a jealous person and this isn't helping!!  

Sometimes I play "It Could Be Worse..." like, it could be worse - I could be in prison and never get to see you (obviously I've been watching Orange is the New Black too much).  

Earlier this week, after tuning into the nanny-cam MUCH too often, I was worried and sad.  Every time I tuned in, you were in the mamaroo.  I died inside.  I wanted to be home with you and cuddle you and never put you down.  What in the world were you doing in the mamaroo??  But, just like always, I had prematurely freaked out.  Now, 3 days and a few managerial conversations initiated by your dad, nanny is reading you books, taking you for walks, and being the best nanny to you we could ask for.  What can I say, I'm a freak.  And when it comes to you, I am a freak x 1000. (Crossing my fingers that you get your dad's voice of reason and calm nature.  If you get my brain, you're in for a wild ride of worry!)

You are the cutest. The sweetest.  The silliest, already!  I can't get enough of you. From 5-9pm, you would think its the dead of night...you are so zonked out you don't even know what's happening in the world around you.  Then, just as my body is ready to hit the hay, you perk right up - Heyyyrooooo!!  You're smiley and playful as ever.  How did I get a night owl child??  Give your dad a high-five for taking over around 11pm every night so I can go to bed.  Thank goodness he can survive on less sleep than I can.  What would we do without that daddy of yours.

So now that our hang outs are limited to nights and weekends, just know that I am only away from you because I have to be.  And soon, we will be into a better routine, where we actually do things at night.  Because right now all I want to do when I get home from work is cuddle you and let you sleep on me.  Someday we'll get out and see the world.

In the words of Dionne Warwick, "keep smiling...keep shining..." because your smiles are what make me DRIVE LIKE A MANIAC to get home at night.  

What a blessing you are Mr. Max.

Found this quote last weekend and made it
into a poster for my office.  Sounds like a
pretty good recipe!

  

I made it to hump day

I really surprised myself with how composed I was on Monday.  I popped right out of bed with my alarm, went through my routine as planned, even had time to read a quick devotional (which just so happened to be about women throwing pity parties because their husbands work so much, but they were reminded to be grateful that they were able to stay home with their children....uh okay, I GET IT! EVERYONE gets to stay home with their kids but ME, #thankyouforthereminder).  Luckily I didn't let that coincidence make me too annoyed.  Max and Mike were all cuddled up, so I was able to whisper a quick goodbye and leave the house with no tears!  I guess I expected a congratulatory marching band and parade to meet me in the street after such an accomplishment.

Work was just as I left it.  Our sweet office manager had taken great care of my plant, I had a few loose notes on my desk, but other than that, it was like I had never left.  My co-workers are incredible and they all are very interested in Max and my new role, which is so great.  The gals even let me lock them out of the 1st floor bathroom every 3 hours for 20 minutes so I can pump.  Which, by the way, is going to get old real quick.  I am like a pack-horse with all the crap I have to haul in/haul out every day, I might as well get a roll-y backpack.  I just know that there will be days when I am busy and stressed and flustered and this whole little routine that I'm a part of will be the death of me.

I got home on Monday night and I wanted Max to leap out of the nanny's arms into mine and be like, Oh mama I am SO GLAD you're home!!! Instead, I fed him and he slept on me for like 3 hours.  I didn't want to end the snuggles even though I was so hungry and knew that those stupid pump parts wouldn't wash themselves...and tomorrow's lunch wouldn't make itself...(pity party, table for 1 please!) I let him sleep on me for so long that when it was bedtime for the adults, he was ready to party.  Which led to me being up until 3 with him, and then getting up at 5:30....well lets just say I was a cranky biatch most of Tuesday. Which ultimately led to Emotional Breakdown 2013 within 5 minutes of getting home last night.  I just hate this.  I hate it, I hate it.  I don't want the only time I see my son is at night and on weekends, when I'm trying to balance life chores with bonding with my little guy.  Maybe that's just life.  BUT WHY.  Why do we put so much emphasis on the other "stuff" that we're expected to be okay with not giving our full attention to our children?  Who decided this and who signed off on this?

So, while I fight bad attitudes about our society, I'll continue to brainstorm ways to earn a living while still being able to spend more time with Maxer.  Taking all suggestions.

PS: Let is be known that I do have things to be thankful for:
•Starbucks drive-thru (and a sissy who gives me a gift card at just the right time)
•Being able to download songs on my phone for instant gratification on my drive to work (what is it about Maroon 5 that I just LOVE SO MUCH!!!)
•A cousin who finds awesome sales on work clothes and buys me whatever she buys for herself (she is also dealing with back-to-work blues so sometimes my pity party is a table for 2)
•A husband who knows that part of my sadness can be fixed by dinner and a nap (Taco Tuesday what what!!)
•Hair that will allow me to go 4 days without washing it
•A body that can feed a child

Extra, extra, read all about it!!!

Life goes on

July 22 is here.  I have spent the last couple of weeks dreading it, and here we are...on the last night of my maternity leave.  Saying I am sad is an understatement.

But.

Mike just sent me out to go get us ice cream after he served up a dinner of halibut, asparagus, corn with lobster, etc (exhibit a) This guy can cook!!! Anyway, I hit the road and since I didn't have the babe with me, i cranked some tunes. I haven't car jammed for quite some time! I turned on Cruise by Florida Georgia Line/Nelly and that carefree song combined with the hot summer night air finally gave me a new perspective. Finally.

Yes, my maternity leave is over. But look at what chapter is ending...the chapter of uncertain life that comes with a newborn. My body has done one of the coolest things it will ever do, and endured one of the most painful things I will ever experience. i have healed from the physical and emotional duress that by body went through. I am no longer scared to venture out to target or to the grocery store with Max. We even took him to our hotel bar this week to have a couple margaritas! I know Max, and Max knows me. 

Tomorrow starts life as a family of three. Not a frazzled couple with a newborn. We start our routine, and Max starts meeting new people so that he can gain skills to someday live independently from us. (But then again if he never moves out, oh well!!!)

Just like with the end of my pregnancy, Mike hasn't given my back-to-work pity party much attention. He remains Positive Pete and tells me how Max will be proud to have a mom that works. And it's annoyed the crap out of me, until now, as I realize he was just waiting for me to catch up with him and join in celebrating life. We have so much to be thankful for.  Please, God, let this attitude of celebration continue. We can celebrate life tomorrow, and the day after that, because taking on challenges and conquering milestones along the way, now that is living! 

So while its super annoying to have to pack my lunch every night, and dress like a professional human again, I'm returning to a job that I enjoy, in a company I'm proud to work for. And I will start knowing what day it is again! Maternity leave can't last forever, and maybe that's okay. 

Ask me again tomorrow as I'm driving away.

Exhibit A

Toots McGee

Ever since max entered our lives, he has impressed us with his "tooting" skills. At first I thought all babies had this power. After hearing from multiple sources how impressive it was, I am proud to say that he is unique in this fashion.

Right now he sleeping by me on the couch and starting to wake himself up...with a steady stream of toots. It is just cracking me up!!  He is clearly very content and relaxed. 

i figured i had a few more minutes before he wakes up fo real, so i read a blog post about a little girl learning to whistle which made me laugh, because my sweet niece Addy is also becoming quite the whistler. I let out a little LOL, and then my heart exploded when max matched my LOL with a little dream laugh. Followed promptly by more toots. 

I hope I am always this charmed by his farts. I have a feeling I won't be :)